Friday, March 27, 2009

Meet my girlfriend, the MBA application.

1. Choosing

You choose a school based on first looks and fit. You scope out who recruits from there and what the school's specialization is, and of course, rankings are always always sexy! You fell in love when you found out McKinsey hires a gazillion people from HBS. Heads up to the HBS crowd, you make me hot for you.

You choose a girl on how hot she looks in those tight short shorts, and how good you would fit inbetween her and those jeans. Competition is always valued, so the higher the demand for her, the higher her ranking - 10 guys after her? She's got to be hot stuff.. and it's not just looks, chances are that she's got pretty good specializations too... You knew it was true love from day 1 when you saw her bend over to pick up her pen that she dropped....

2. Application

You fill up the 10 pages of background information, write 5 essays on why you're so sexy and how much you love them and you pay the application fee upfront. Especially big on what you bring to the class. You don't hear anything from the school until they feel like telling it to you. Calls don't get any love.

It's good if you're a blue blood, HYP grad, investment grade BSD or swinging with M/B/B. Alternatively you might be the unique minority applicant who built wells in Africa, restored Renaissance art and has a penchant for clearing the minefields in Vietnam... or was that Cambodia?

You take her out for lunch, tea, dinner and drinks. You spend your time telling her (indirectly) what a baller you are, how you think she'll look good next to you and how you're going to rock her world. You pay for lunch, tea, dinner and drinks. She'll call you when she's bored or when she feels like going out, try not to call her too often lest you bore her - or become a stalker.

She'll like you more if you work for a Fortune 100 company, drive a BMW and get bottle service everytime you're thirsty. Some girls like the -i'm-so-in-touch-with-society-do-gooder-save-the-freaking-whales- kind of guy, so if that gets her hot, I guess the WWF had better be on your speed dial.

3. Admitted! Oh wait, just waitlisted.

They keep in suspense for months and when they decide to release their decisions, lucky you gets to wait it out for the big D-day when they tell you whether you're accepted/rejected/waitlisted. Intermittent communications are just meant to tease you. Appeals not entertained.

She'll keep you in suspense as you chase after her... when she decides to accept you, you're still being tested and might be rejected. If you're waitlisted by her, you might get some sexy loving, but hitting a home run is .. unlikely. She'll tease you over and over again until you're on your knees panting like Pavlov's dog. If you're rejected, say good bye, cry your heart out and pay off that credit card bill that you racked up spending on her.

4. Costs

Averaging USD200 a pop + USD250 for the GMAT. Factor in your time spent, misc. such as sending in transcripts, additional information. Do you wanna fly over for a visit? There goes a couple of grand down the drain. Will they accept you? Nope, not guaranteed.

Lunch $80, Tea $40, Dinner $150, Drinks $300! Bring out the dollars and let them fly baby, fly like an eagle. It's her birthday, wanna get that LV bag for her? Valentines is around the corner, get some flowers, flavored prophylactics and a hotel room if you're more than just casual friends.... Don't forget the dinner and gift too... and if you're generous, spring for the cab fare back home. Is her love guaranteed? Nope. ;)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

well said..