Saturday, March 28, 2009

Good reasons to do an MBA

1. Because you're a career changer.

You're an aspiring IT engineer who wants to make a billion of two by starting your private equity fund that specializes in investing in companies dealing with used rubber tires. Possible? Hell yeah baby! An MBA turns you from a hero to zero - bonus points if it's in the top ten and people look at you in envy when you say "Haaaarhh - vaaard Ehm Bee Aye baby". Or maybe you'll sell your soul, I don't know, but do an MBA, it adds inches.

Alternatively, you're just another loser commercial banker reckons investment banks would make the exception and hire strong - just for you. With an MBA you're nothing less than Bruce Wayne of finance, the gritty corporate life by day and bottles and models at night... ok, maybe not exactly Batman, but hey, if Wayne wanted bottles and models every night, he would be getting them. Just don't be Bateman...

We all wanna run our own gig, and nothing makes and entrepreneur like an MBA. It doesn't matter whether you're an analyst or you think of new ways to sell placements, empowered with an MBA, you'll be able to soar to new heights when you launch your company. After all, you'll know all about finance, marketing AND strategy and now, you just need a good product - one which you can rip off from your smarter peers at school.

Lastly, for some strange strange reason, you reckon that saving the world is worth while. Let's go do microfinancing and charge low interest rates. Do you need an MBA? Actually you don't, and you'll probably have a greater impact if you went straight into non-profit, but I don't really care, you'll still be sexier with an MBA. Of course, once you graduate from Yale SOM, you be able to hit on girls while sipping your beer of the day (because you're non profit, you can't afford the good stuff).

2. Because you're looking for a partner.

Business schools are the best place to hook-up with somebody who's just as smart as you, or maybe she lied on her application and used an admissions consultant. But that's ok, at least she's got the money to blow.. maybe that's not all though. But... anyway, I heard that the better the school, the better the scene - of course, you've got to make exceptions for MIT (nerds), Chicago (nerds), Harvard (assholes), Stanford (saving the world), Kellogg (drunk sex isn't cool), Wharton (finance assholes), Tuck (all married), uhm... did I miss anybody out? Well, Columbia is pretty cool, of course, I'm not sure whether you would prefer to hook up with somebody at Columbia or actually impress the girls of NYC with the fact that you're at Columbia.

Another way to build your resume is to join the swinging scene. It's well known that if you're swinging in business school, you're swinging with the best and you'll be able to swing with the rest. So draw your lots and swap seats. Who knows, your off-resume skills might just be able to get your that job with Goldman Sachs or a promotion one day... off course, you might have problems looking at yourself in the mirror, but that's ok.

Ever wonder why you've never seen a video titled, Girls of B-school?

3. Because you want a well deserved 2 year holiday.

Go partying with daddy's money if you're rich, or at least do it on somebody elses expense when you take that loan. 2 years of hardcore partying AND you might actually get a good job too! Have you seen the summer break itineraries of some students? Travel to some exotic location for "bonding". School trips too... just don't forget to double bag.

4. Because you want to make money... more of it... a lot more..

Then you're in the right place. Please leave your morals at the door and join me at school.

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